Here's some more embarassing history from the archives. Apparently my idea of a solid book report was a hastily written summary of a novelized adaptation of a screenplay already adapted from Robert E. Howard's classic stories. Look carefully and you'll notice that I probably hadn't read the whole thing at this point (Conan escapes because of an earthquake?). I do swear that I eventually finished reading the paperback and went on to see the film many, many times.

So cue the Basil Poledouris music as you skim through my masterpiece of verbiage - the Conan The Barbarian book report!

Reading Class

Book Report

Sam Hatch

Feb. 15, 1984

Title: Conan the Barbarian

Authors: L. Sprague DeCamp and Lin Carter

Summary: When Conan was a young boy, the evil Thulsa Doom killed his parents. Conan was captured and treated like a slave. When he became an adult, Conan was bought and trained as a gladiator. They put him in a pit and he fought against someone else. Many of these fights were held, so Conan became very strong. One day, an earthquake started, and Conan escaped from his master. On his journey to find Thulsa Doom, Conan met with two people and became good friends with them. They were good warriors, and they stole many valuable things. Conan was captured many times, but he went on until he found Thulsa Doom.

Grade: Report A / Cover - A


Pretty amazing, eh? As Conan himself once wisely pointed out, what is best in life is to "Crush the grammar, see style driven before you - and to hear the lamentations of Sam's teacher!" Speaking of which, she must have been on some good Stygian Black Lotus to hand out twin A's. Though in my defense, I was only eleven at the time. And you gotta love that dodgy hand-drawn artwork!

If you don't like my book report, Crom - to Hell with you!!!